JHem

It was a rainy summer. As time passed me by, I felt my heart growing numb-er. It was a cold, dreary summer. It was a bright winter. I slowed down enough To let my life come back to me. It was a warm, fresh winter. The warmth returned that summer. You were the sunshine wrapped around me. You laid me to rest for winter. You brought back the seasons. It was a new time to Spring to life. I was able to rest during Summer vacation. You helped me Fall back in place. And helped me hibernate through Winter.

You grew up with ambiguity. You grasped your hands around anxiety. You don't have to cut out the source of your life. You can learn to breathe again as you drop the knife. You lived your life seeking ambition. You never gave up hoping for healing. But you never gave yourself your full attention. You swore if things burst, you're ready for your ending. Your shortcomings made you feel guilty. No one could imagine your inner strife. You felt a slave stuck in your condition. But all you wanted was a heartfelt tending. It's okay to let your world fall apart. You don't need that knife for precaution. You see your reflection captured by sins, But you needn't sacrifice yourself for freedom. You needn't carry that blade to cut away your misery. You needn't live your life with death as your release. You needn't to live life with a way out from imperfection You needn't carry the weight of the world anymore.

Jump, Fall. Mall, Lump. Hump. Call, All. Dump. Groundless, Fruitful Humbleness Vengeful. Sadness. Whole.

Indulging pleasure, Drowned from injecting higher, Reborn from my sins.

You've got a brain. You got all the good grades. You're swimming in accolades. But I have something more. You can figure out the complexity of the Earth. You've got a grasp on all the arguments. You're gonna make sure you always win. But I can understand why you can't sleep at night. There's a cold breath escaping your mouth. Your voice brings shivers to the spine. But what I have is warmth to help you forget time. Let me bring you out of your mind to your shrine. No matter what you can't give up being right. When you're challenged is when you begin to bite. But I gotta admit that I've got fangs just like you. You take a bite out of ignorance, but I defend integrity. You've cultivated your insight, But I've let go of what's right. You bring justice to the table. But I bring people out of their fable. You know all the right answers, But you forgot how the heart wonders. You've forsaken curiosity for textbooks. Al...

I'd let the waves run its track. The course came from what couldn't be tracked. I was unseen by peering eyes. Even invisible to my own eye. But once I felt being sensed, I came from out of my senses. I had no thought of wanting to be free. Once caught, I was afraid of being freed. Now with an audience to show, I began selling my own shows. Expectations caught me under pressure. Everyone's made me feel pressured. Becoming a performer as solid as a rock. I wanted to show to the world how I rocked. I grew up without a name, But the spotlight was how I was named.

Bathing in misery has got me dealing. I had been wound up so tight, Only wanting to be blessed by light. That was until one faithful night. I zigzagged drunkenly towards the fireplace. I became tired of doing right in great haste. I no longer wanted to reach for first place. This was when I had a descent from grace. I gave my soul to be devoured by the devil. My life no longer grew towards a goal, So I grabbed for one more lick of pleasure. Reaching out for sin had no more pressure. After being accustomed, I felt I had blossomed. Lucifer couldn’t swallow my old ambition, So he fought to return it through attrition. But I no longer claimed custody. Life with no fear of wrong became serenity. Some may say I’ve grown to become a pity, But selling my humanity gave me such clarity. I had been wrought with being clean cut. Now I feel my way through unkept ambiguity. I thought this apathy would turn me into a mutt, But it feels like trusting my gut has given new ...

I have my hands on the wheel. I stay the course of what's been real. I've only been on this road before. But I'm not driving myself through repetition no more. I'd steer to the right and go where I've always gone. But it's time I counter steered my life's course. I'm tired of living in the same monotony. I'll grind this track's bumpy asphalt And race through this corner I've trapped myself in. This is what happens when there's nothing left! I thought I knew where I had to go. But I hit the brakes to a screeching halt. It's time I turned my life around in a 180. I've rushed through the same direction, But now I've gone and hit this traction Bringing me to a newfound place of action. I was running outta mileage. I had to tune up for my new destination. I'm all fired up with my new ignition. I'm holding onto this finely tuned grip This is me letting myself all out drift.

I keep adding fuel to the fire. I rush in with no fear hastily. I felt the fire igniting me to move on. I just wished these cold floors would be gone. I lived vicariously as some to admire. I ran too fast on ice to keep balanced. I would let my momentum carry me away. I wanted no more to do with self pity. Along the way I lost my footing. I couldn't pull myself up without falling. I could not longer look back at my trail. I just breathed in never wanting to fail. Eventually I fell apart in the middle of nowhere. I no longer began to care I was a wishful dog chasing after it's own tail. I abandoned who I was to dream in a happy trance.

I let my nerves get to me It's like lightning striking me I get cold feet wanting to leave I get paranoia in secrecy I'm afraid to be alone But I'm terrified of company! Just stay with me, stay with me But don't put your gaze on me! I'm cold when I think of the spotlight I get nervous and shake every night. My eyes are always over my shoulder Looking back, my body gets colder. When I'm with you I feel smothered Like I'm here making you bothered. When I'm alone I sink in darkness. Panting until I'm left breathless. I wish you would see my dilemma. I wish I could scream it, But my voice becomes tightly knit. But tears are hidden without an umbrella.

I loved the hours in the day Filled with hope and beauty But you took that away I used to put all I had in my soul But the stress began taking its toll I had my heart in everything I felt home with every being When you took my love away from me You took away the biggest part of me I used to live whole-heartedly But apathy has startled me I feel no need to put my best foot forward My life began spiraling downward Some may say I’ve become a coward My mind used to wonder It followed the mysteries But sadness has made me numb-er Who I used to be is lost in history You may say I began to live haphazardly But I had to live mindlessly Or heartbreak would consume me wholly

Wrote lyrics for a friend's song. https://youtu.be/PQGqNAKgxws Going back home Returning to nostalgia I haven't felt this way in years I'm back to better days Oh, yeah, I'm going back to better days I kick my shoes to the air Plant myself firm And I'm beginning to feel that way again I’m feeling that way again Oh yeah. I'm feeling that way again It felt like yesterday. Oh yeah. Having my heart run out to play It felt like yesterday. Oh yeah. As my thoughts never run out of words to say Those were the days I love to remember Those were the days I love to remember Those were better days, those were better days Those were the days I remembered when I met you

It can be difficult to let words flow, From the river of your soul. It can be devastating to be firm, And speak how you feel. It can be heartbreaking to have resentments, But that's why you learn to live from your heart. Cat's got our tongue on feelings to be shared. But you look for her to be able to let go. Groundless from fear of integrity, But you find your ground in insanity. You build up a lie from glamour filled safety, But living a lie isn't what you came here for. We didn't come together to fill empty space With mindless pleasure caught in stasis. We fell together to look for the trace That made living wholeheartedly our nemesis. There's no time to live back in yesterday. It's time we pulled each other together, So we can make our way back to grace. Our hands together for the perfect pace. Remembering better days was our place. Always wanting easier times when Just being alive was our homemade Zen, ...

I drafted behind teachers and peers. Tailing them, hoping my insecurities disappear. Hoping that following someone great, There'd be no reason for me to make mistakes. I had the honor of walking in someone's footsteps, But I was never safe in my own skin hoping to be contempt. I wanted to be faultless. No more reason to fall apart endlessly. I looked for perfection in masters. I tried to become their heir. Hoping mastery would prevent me from being hopeless. It was my desire to be without being messy. The other side was full of rich, green pastures. But it had become too much to bare! I chased after glory. I followed them thoughtlessly. I became a robot programed to become you My silent whisper for perfection was self defeating. I wanted to be the predecessor to legends. But that destroyed my individuality. It wasn't until I found my ground That strength came to me As I no longer feared myself.