JHem

Is this an original by me? Passed on by whom? This thought. Before I knew it, I believed it. "Broken." Just fuel for the fire. Everything pointing at "me." A "me" who could someday be fixed. Pill after pill, Decade after decade, Affirmation after affirmation. "Who" believes "I" am broken? When no one appeared, For certain, I knew. The belief had to be surrended, To see "broken" as a lie, For it to be liberated.

The elders prescribed me remedies. Strange was their belief of myself, When their costumes wouldn't fit me. They forced hands around my throat, Hoping to mold me back to "normal." Alas, I was diagnosed as "deviant." Shame begged me to take initiative, To carve myself into their image, I had knives cut me into shape. I closed my eyes to turn away from okay, Lying unburied near the Grim Reaper, Offering my blood to feed the soil. But now Death feared me, Trapping himself back in Hell, As he saw me rejoice in the anemia. A new "self" began forming. "Superior" than before, Sensitive to bursting. Insensitive to "I." My reflection scared me more than Satan. Covering the lake with holy deeds. So "I" could never be seen. I began inviting breathing Bodhisattvas, Letting them illuminate my false paradise. Allowing me to see there is no Hell to fear. Letting go the dream of  a "better" me, Allowing it to sink into Sunyata, ...

 I remember the swing by the lake. It wasn't one that we shared. We were called to silence. Although no words were shared, smiles were told. A bow giver for satiating the heart. I'm glad a gentle ill came over me. Opening up your chance to invite me to being your friend. Shimmering voices asked us to inquire, "Who Am I?" The empty circle giving the seal proclaiming "empty." For you, a moment you believed to know who I am; willing and unafraid, but that image had to be thrown away. "Who am I despite willing but afraid?" Like what the swing is to me now, a familiar passing thought. As I'm bracing for rejection, you share yourself with me. Opening myself to never cementing "I" for you nor I.

Giving voice to the voiceless, Form was born from the formless. Only spoken on the surface, Descriptions form your face. Following the words, Feet walk past home. Giving birth to the sin, Of feeling home-less. Wondering why you can't be heard, An unending desire born to roam, Unable to let the beat of your heart in. Lost to the play of having to impress. Surely you jest... Don't attach to grim... Shine a light to be shown... Always as innocent as the birds... Don't let yourself talk you out of, What is surely surerer than sure. The holy spirit delusion can't attach to. Melt through form and meet the intimacy, Of a love that can hold, yet is without, duality.

Could you believe, All that noise, The minds buzz, Got "you" to look away? Like trying to swat a fly, No matter how swift, You could never catch up, To whom you may ask? Who you believe yourself to be, Who you think yourself to be, Could never comprehend, The mystery of "you." Let go, Simply know, This is death row, For the false show. No more enlightenment, No more unenlightenment, No more ground for a self to stand, No more fighting the ever present flow. Permission was never needed, To be just as you are, Innocent and pure, "Spirit."

Before I knew it, My feet had moved. When I knew it, It was me who moved, Yet it was not I. "You will follow or suffer," It said. There I knew it, Silent but not afar. When the body followed, The lie was breached. I suffered. It was what the humans sowed, Our ability to know. "Oh," I uttered. Invisible, but not blind, I know this scar. Anatta

The birds were birds, The trees were trees, And I was Me. But waves came ashore, They were all no more, That much I can be sure. Sheer will burned all form, Yet, why is there this storm? The birds no longer birds, The trees no longer trees, I am no longer me, Or so I thought to be. With heaven here, Giving permission, To envelop all of me. The birds sang as I stepped home, The trees hugging me in their shade, And I'm no longer threatening me. Form had to return, For it to meet it's end, As both burn away as one.

There was never a time, There was never a place, There is nowhere to run away. Nothing but the inevitable play. Closing off came from grace. Heartbreak wiped away the grime. The escape was held, Thought to be freedom's way, Felt to be pain unending. The yearning asked for resolution. Screaming "are you paying attention?" The very desire seen to be dis-ease. Poison is the medicine asking, "please." Venom pushed away seen as pure. Nothing else felt so sure. Problems no longer became a list, As spirit felt became bliss. But the ailment of yours, Was where I closed my doors. Oh, humanity. For what are thou to me, When you became my enemy? Up here high on heaven, Watching over the earth, Judging all action as sin. Yearning for birth again. Returning back to Samsara, Truly knowing it to be Nirvana. And knowing deep down, this is Love. Feeling deep in the Heart, with a Sincere "I'm sorry," knowing there's nothing to Forgive. Nothing could be but the I...

Even before my mouth can bend air, There's a "yes" that came even before. I held my own hand through the dark So my own warmth became my light. I had no reason to dabble in what's fair. My thoughts let go of my head to freefall. The pillow became the goal of my mark. No whispers saying "you're not right." My fingers slipped the book holding on. Looking back was the moonflower foretold. Magic trapped me as we touched Before I could even point. I knew with just a whiff, My smile reflected its, Fully knowing so.

Lightning kicked my feet off the ground. Common sense scolded me to go right. But the thumps in my chest poked a hole, Allowing God to grab me by the heart. Little whispers begin to say, "This is for the greater good." Little melts in my ache gave way. No need to be bound by "should." If self-care stood tall, Call upon me, vanity. Clench your fist, sanity. "Only the selfish fall." Splashes of red trailed behind me To cover the shadow showing clearly. Could I let go of the answer, To let the clouds part forever?