JHem

My mind's unrest Caught in the past Searching for you Again and again Recalling the past How you helped me live Putting a smile on my face Only in my dreams Are you there With me The present eludes me I'm stuck in my dreams Crying in place Craving your embracety I don't feel so strong I've lost who I am No longer walking On a set path I don't remember who I was I don't know who I am My mind's unrest Struggling with reality A double life I live Who I think I am Who I wish to be Split on their paths Stuck in my dreams How things used to be Hoping to greet you And warm your heart Like I used to do Once again Neglecting this day Struggling to see How you're gone Unable to move on I close my eyes Praying for you Once again My mind's unrest My heart's a mess Distorted Reality

My heart is in tears. What is it crying for? I’m not sure I know. Perhaps I do. Perhaps I don’t Could it be love? What would love give me? A sense of worthiness? The feeling of abundance? No longer strifled by fear? Hmm... If I had love, sincere and kind love, What would change? Would I be happy? Would I fear less? Would I feel grateful? If I was devoured by this love, Would I smile again, fully? This grace called love, The love with no bounds, The unconditional healer, The love that whispers: Everything’s okay I’m here for you You’re beautiful I love you Would being eaten by love, By surrendering to love, With all of my heart, Cleanse my tears? By being love...? I, Love...? ~<3 xo .

You know... I’m somewhat... lost... But I feel something... I think... Or I’m just lying... to myself... There’s this spot--it’s in a gap. Covered by grievous thorns. Thorns protecting its rose. It feels painful, I guess. It feels nice, I guess. I feel... I guess... There’s a demon on the outside, With a crying child deep inside. It doesn’t feel much, anymore. It reeks of poison. It lays discontent. It feels deprived. Blinded by ignorance, Anxious of every moment, It lives in fear of inadequacy. Veiled by loneliness, By fear of worthlessness, The soft spot is then guarded. The heart becomes shielded, Shielded by the darkness, Hardened, if you will. Or shrouded. Numb. </3 ~ .

Once upon a time I’d look into your eyes So ill feelings would die I saw a guide within you The way to freedom A calm serenity Gazing about tonight I whisper into the night You brighten up my light What did you see in me To give me a chance To be your friend? Albeit, a short while? Yet, what called upon you To not see things through So our bond went adieu? I never knew... I saw great pain in your eyes Covering a delicate stream A stream of warmth You were like an angel Ashamed of her own grace Masking her own wings In fear of feeling vulnerable Too afraid of being ashamed Of being congruent with love I prayed greatly That I’d be the one To open your heart But our paths cross no more. So...This is...Goodbye... I guess...? Take care, miss.

What is fear? Where does fear come from? What is being feared? If it’s all imagined Is our fear A desperate attempt To prove we’re lovable? To reassure that we’re loved? By submitting to an idea An idea of pleasing others To please our fear? The fear of not being enough? The fear of love withdrawn? The fear of being unloved?

Is it possible That inner pain Stems from a lie You tell yourself? I couldn’t stand by When you said goodbye I felt apart of me die I believed it was I The reason why Our bond scattered high Into the nights sky Did I begin a lie? I couldn’t help but cry

Drifting further and further Pulled along the unknown Riding the waves Across uncertainty I swell up with anxiety Yet excitement dwells inside me. I don’t know what I was looking for I’m nothing but a stranger Navigating the familliar That’s now unfamilliar With brand new eyes Dust is now brighter Rust is no danger I’m no longer a racer, Speeding without end. I await the clarity of water For I know haste makes things bitter No need to spoil things with glitter It just makes them fade dimmer. Letting go of all the hate, Dishonesty falls to pieces, As integrity blows kisses. Surrounding all with grace, Love intertwines with its pace. Trusting all that’s arising, Fear is no longer binding. These new eyes, They see no wrong, Only webs of connections. This open heart, Feels strong pain, Carries compassion, Bares no doubt or fear, Is the Fruit of God: Love.