JHem

You know... I’m somewhat... lost... But I feel something... I think... Or I’m just lying... to myself... There’s this spot--it’s in a gap. Covered by grievous thorns. Thorns protecting its rose. It feels painful, I guess. It feels nice, I guess. I feel... I guess... There’s a demon on the outside, With a crying child deep inside. It doesn’t feel much, anymore. It reeks of poison. It lays discontent. It feels deprived. Blinded by ignorance, Anxious of every moment, It lives in fear of inadequacy. Veiled by loneliness, By fear of worthlessness, The soft spot is then guarded. The heart becomes shielded, Shielded by the darkness, Hardened, if you will. Or shrouded. Numb. </3 ~ .

Once upon a time I’d look into your eyes So ill feelings would die I saw a guide within you The way to freedom A calm serenity Gazing about tonight I whisper into the night You brighten up my light What did you see in me To give me a chance To be your friend? Albeit, a short while? Yet, what called upon you To not see things through So our bond went adieu? I never knew... I saw great pain in your eyes Covering a delicate stream A stream of warmth You were like an angel Ashamed of her own grace Masking her own wings In fear of feeling vulnerable Too afraid of being ashamed Of being congruent with love I prayed greatly That I’d be the one To open your heart But our paths cross no more. So...This is...Goodbye... I guess...? Take care, miss.

What is fear? Where does fear come from? What is being feared? If it’s all imagined Is our fear A desperate attempt To prove we’re lovable? To reassure that we’re loved? By submitting to an idea An idea of pleasing others To please our fear? The fear of not being enough? The fear of love withdrawn? The fear of being unloved?

Is it possible That inner pain Stems from a lie You tell yourself? I couldn’t stand by When you said goodbye I felt apart of me die I believed it was I The reason why Our bond scattered high Into the nights sky Did I begin a lie? I couldn’t help but cry

Drifting further and further Pulled along the unknown Riding the waves Across uncertainty I swell up with anxiety Yet excitement dwells inside me. I don’t know what I was looking for I’m nothing but a stranger Navigating the familliar That’s now unfamilliar With brand new eyes Dust is now brighter Rust is no danger I’m no longer a racer, Speeding without end. I await the clarity of water For I know haste makes things bitter No need to spoil things with glitter It just makes them fade dimmer. Letting go of all the hate, Dishonesty falls to pieces, As integrity blows kisses. Surrounding all with grace, Love intertwines with its pace. Trusting all that’s arising, Fear is no longer binding. These new eyes, They see no wrong, Only webs of connections. This open heart, Feels strong pain, Carries compassion, Bares no doubt or fear, Is the Fruit of God: Love.

What is love Anyways? Is it the fire in the heart? The flame that engulfs? The entangled longing? The ablazed yearning? The wanting mind? The “owner”? Craving? Or simply... The water that cools the fire? The soothing liquid? Free-flowing? Without opposition? The tears that rain, Embracing all? Fearlessly yielding? Accepting of change? Gentle to adversity? Healing? Take a moment To breathe Gather space Prepare To peel all the layers The conditioning, The un-lovingness, The bias, The judgements, The right, The wrong. All the walls. Perhaps Love is Nameless, Undefinable, Limitless, No-thing Yet Love is Every-thing Love is Love … .

Underneath it all What separates us? Why argue our differences? Can’t we be here, Right now, this moment, Present with our gift of life? You say we’re divided, But says who? My mind has no authority I see no dividing line Our interdependence is calling. We’re all intertwined Interbeings I don’t see why we can’t be friends. So, why do you block me out? Telling me this or that to justify. My heart, it aches at this separation. The emotional distance between us, The duality of these mental barriers Wear me out as I’m disheartened. I’m afraid I have to let this go, But remember I still care. Even when I’m no longer there. I miss you, but I won’t suffocate you. I'll give you space, room to breathe Because I truly love you No strings attached. So, goodbye? Farewell?  Bye...