JHem

Thoughts gather towards a mystery, Doing their best to learn from history. With ancients rising from the grave, Spirit's appear to haunt my soul. A run down mirror reflects a hungry ghost Constantly searching for truer answers. Words condensate into empty wishes, Wanting a map towards past riches. Spirits guide me towards the empty, All that is here is but a memory. Your gaze reminisces in front of my eyes. My vision blurries, wondering if they're lies. Through yearning, I make this my home. Hoping looking inward is satisfactory. Playing the tape on repeat to distortion. Putting my hands focus on restoration. With imperfection, things look brand new, Is what I made what's genuinely true? Scrambling to reveal the perfect mimic, Earnestness is lost to romantic airs. Through burnout alone, I light my fire, To allow embers to consume you to retire.

Two breaths to say hello. Two breaths to say goodbye. I wake up no longer hearing good morning. I fall asleep no longer saying goodnight. I gave you a little more than "too". A little too many kisses. A little too close in my arms. A little too many "are you okay?" But I'm never sorry, For saying too many "I love you's." I'll never regret Being a little "too."

Too many "hello's." Too many "goodmorning's" Too many "goodnight's" Too many "I'm sorry." Too many texts. Too many calls. Too many "are you okay?" Too many "I'm here." Too many tears. Too many "I love you's." But never not enough.

  Part 1 Alex stares at the turtle of a clock on the classroom wall of his Nutrition and Health class. Tick-tock, tick-tock, the clock moves slower than Alex as he tries to find a reason to leave his bed every morning. Finally, with bated breath, Alex gives off a sigh so big he felt as if he was floating as the clock struck 4:30PM. Alex packs his books, folder, and laptop into his sturdy bag he was gifted from his bubbly girlfriend, Emma. “It’s that time of the week again,” Alex thought to himself as he jumped from his seat and ran past the other community college students to get to his beat up red car. The car would sometimes not open its door. Alex had to repeatedly nudge it until it opened as if by pure chance. It didn’t bother him. His spirits were too elevated to be beat down by such a tiny inconvenience. He turned on his car and screamed to himself. “Let’s go baby! I get to go spend my weekend with my little love monster!” Alex puts on his upbeat romantic music from his phone...

I had a map in my pocket all the time. I took on a new persona as a mime. Why falter when I can follow your lead? I was so safe that I would not bleed. It wasn't until the day you walked away, I had to begin to learn what to say. I was going to be okay. I was allowed to hit rock bottom, To learn how to pick myself up. The river reflected what I denied. I floated by giving myself permission.

I'd take two steps forward, Only to tread two steps back. I'd course correct to be right, Only to find I'm on a roundabout. I was being chased by Karma, Tying me down to the Dharma. I'd bash my head against the wall. My track continued on repeat. I was blinded of seeing blood fall I needed to find my retreat. I fell into being a coward, Bathing in all the lack. I gave up the fight. This is how I got out.

I'd get out of my comfort zone, Only to tip toe around humiliation. Two feet breaking on eggshells. I had trouble reading tone, So I ate all my emotion, Ears blinded by bells. I laid the foundation to my house, Surrounded by walls of hesitation, All my guest would get denounced. Windows cascade the moon. Doors closed on evolution. My home shrinks as I grow. My cage collapses all on me. Claustrophobia brings suffocation. The anger begins to overpower me. Holding myself back like a time bomb. Time is unyielding to my safe haven. Zero is when it's all consumed by flame.

Red crayons for the sunset with no gradients. Everything black and white without polishing. Colors outside the line to give off individuality. There were no confusions in the hues. Yellow strokes fused with the feeling of anxiety. Crept in with red to give my flame depth. Dabs of orange to give my piece unity. Not a scratch off the boundary. The warm colors were constraint to burst. The resistance cracked and let go. Dripping down the page to mix with cool. Temperature coming together for contrast. Like wanting the warmth of a blanket in winter, And to sink in the snow over summer. Yearning for excitement in quiet times, And seeking rest during overtime. I let myself get out of line. Okay outside the norm. Knowing I'm without form.

Playing devil's advocate got me trouble. My ego saw no need to reevaluate. I was bloated on being subtle. No village would take me in. Isolation made it so I was never wrong I became one with oblivion. My thinking reached eternity, But my dialogue had no substance. I returned for peer reviewed clarity.

I start by opening the textbook. I read left and right to find my voice. I'm not quite sure where to look. Sprinting through was my choice. My teacher shows me where to guide my feet. The excitement plants me in my seat. I put my all into becoming an elite. I shave off all that's unique. I start to draw in the lines. I thought I found what's mine. I brush aside all that's benign. Mirror mirror on the wall, Why am I beginning to fall? Reflection staring back at me, Why are you waving mutiny? The school becomes my plateau.  Tears drip as I dig into the low. I fall asleep breathing in quiet scares. My screams trapped in my nightmares. I burn away the rulebook. My heart takes the next steps. My mind trembled and shook. I jump frighteningly into the ocean's depths. I drown in the undersea mystery. The chilly water absorbs the whole me. Conformity washes as I become cleanly. I open my eyes and can see clearly. I see my persona in the raindrop. Washing away into the underg...

I take those words as holy scripture, Hoping it gives me the full picture. I'm suffering through tradion, It's all apart of my condition. Breathed it in like another cigarette. It gave me nothing but regret. I dance around the problems. Skipping rocks over the solutions. My arms reach for addiction, Mind haunted by hallucination. Eyes focused on illusion. Heart full of confusion. Legs tied to trip me over. Face against the pavement. The scent of blood brings me back. I take a course correction to rehabilitation.

Hey you with the smile of sunshine. Your gaze gets me out of line. See me full of pine? I scan around for a sign. You raise your hand with wine. You breathe, "would you be so kind?" I'm given a glimpse into your mind. I let air persuade you to be mine,  By letting my lips tell you a rhyme.  You reply, "are you asinine?"

When too many steps take the dance, Discovery fades from it's trance. Abandonment is the next addiction. As generations move and pass, Nostalgia tickles the heartstrings. Shine a light on the dark that's past. Bring back to life and be neverending Childlike dreams born from fiction.

I've been given the spotlight. The gleam hits my eye As I wink confidence. I've ran through chill rain. Heart beating with pain. Mouth breathing in bane. Crowds call me a born natural, But they're blind of my isolation. I was shaped by whispering impractical, Giving double beyond your imagination. Detractors see me as paying a bill, But my steps are taken by the thrill. Glits and glamor wont keep me still, I've got the fire going in for the kill.

Through every formula, Through every thought, Overdrive was kicking in Studying sleepless nights. Haunted by insomnia. Through rough patches with no break, Facing my insanity is on full intake. I'm without air, suffocated by this dome. My mind's become a retirement home. A home for resentment I never let roam. A home for words never foretold. A home for buried trauma.

I had my head held up high. Mind polished to a shine. Always stayed one step ahead. Always knew to be risk aversed. Buried my heart in the earth.  Right became a statistic. I had my head hide like a turtle. I couldn't overcome a hurdle. I was missing something oh so subtle. My heart came beating, Felt I now had meaning. Looked inside for healing. I jumped with great haste. Everything a leap of faith. Love was worth the gamble. Head first into a wall, Anxiety breathed me. Blurry came my vision. Glasses to get me to see again, Head back on my shoulders. Heart breathing in fuller. Understanding how to feel sane.

Light so dim you wouldn't notice. Flame so light there's no warmth. Too afraid to take any steps, Burnout is my scent. Even your fire won't ignite me. I can't catch onto your trail. Before long, my home's abandoned. After short flashes, my flame dissipates. New residents take hold. There's no light where I had reside. Darkness on the side. As a ghost I hide. Haunting to be never forgotten. As a corner so cold.

1. Make a list  2. Live in jest.  3. Drink the mist. 4. Become the best. 5. No fear of threats. 6. Take initiative. 7. No expletive. 8. Take a break. 9. Live by the lake. 10. No ragrets

I'll take two steps, You'll take four steps. I'll take five breaths, You'll take ten breaths. I'll sit next to the river. You'll sit next to the ocean. Fear makes me blink once. Fear makes you blink none. You take four steps. I take two steps. You sit in contemplation. I sit in meditation. You sprint your marathon. I walk in my scenery. A kiss gets your feet running. A kiss melts me on the spot. I take three steps. You take three steps. We'll take three steps. We meet in the middle.

I'm consumed by phantom pain. I fill my eyes with green. I'm missing pieces of my heart. I fill by becoming a thief. Whatever I've been missing, I've replaced with thievery. My hands make a killing As I'm making history. I've lost what's kept me sane. Losing my humanity's kept me keen. Being darkness became my art. My footsteps as nimble as a leaf. I steal like an unsuspecting kiss. Leaving you unable to draw breath. My eyes stalk what's no longer mine As my glasses hide my dreams.