JHem

Spat out into shivering cold. Raised to live with anxiety. Without a single witness. No coat to cover the shivers, No clothes to coat the scars, No choice but to freeze. I was drawn like a moth to a flame, But I wasn't expected to be Burned alive.

You left your home, You left your dreams, You left your honesty. When reality felt ethereal. And you asked, "why?" When it was built on hopes. Feeling like a garden gnome. Feeling like decoration, it seems. Feeling like you're not ready to mope. I've read all about this. Defined as a "pattern." In hopes of seeking bliss. To escape feeling flatten, You invited me for a kiss, Wishing for pain to be forgotten. I abide, willingly so. No strings pulled either way. I knew of this passing sunset. You let your feet be swept, As do I let myself be bare, Knowing this leads to nowhere. Oh, I knew, I heartbreakingly knew I knew, the taste of charm. Knew it as nothing sincere. I followed your hand,  When you pulled me to dance. For you to say, "it's just us here." While holding a blank stare. But didn't hide that I wept. Knowing there never would be Another sunrise for you and me.

It was a little bid from me, But a million pieces, Make a big farewell. Feelin' like I'm stranded at sea. Feelin' like I should say less. Feelin' like I can't tell... That I miss you. But you knew. So I withdrew. Not a single good-bye spoken, Not pretending to be a monk in zen, Not able to bypass again. The apathy wasn't clear to be neglect, With breadcrumbs spelling "maybe yet." So why is my pillow wet like a wreck? A celebration I wanted you to see, But no words is all she says. There will be no wedding bells.

My face red from just a glance, Her tap woke me from my trance, With red nails pointing to her smirk, Asking me: "Is being cute your quirk?" The music seduces us to dancing. With her hands holding mine, There's no more than us two. I let my body start singing: I wanna get to know you. Her hand brushing through my hair, Gently pulling me in with fingered pets. Weakening my body to collapse. My arms wrap around her for safety. Chin craving rest on her shoulder, My nervous stutter: "Is this fine?" With a voice that knew, There was no way for her to lose: "Don't you dare, Believe you're worth any less." And there goes my breath... As she makes sure I take in hers. "I've stolen something priceless, I came here with no chance to miss, To take you back home with my kiss." Was I being sucked into a dream? I knew I had to let myself be caught. Euphoria shoved my mind out of line. Heart blazing hotter than 100 suns. I'm woken up by suns...

Born an unwritten page, Scribbled on for rightly, Etched a destiny. A pen carving my scars, Approved by the sage, Sanctioned by the stars. Karma flowed through my cuts, Following my script on this stage, Out of sight feeling like I'm nuts. Letting the rain drown the prophecy. No longer needing the adage. Letting my view return to empty.

Is this an original by me? Passed on by whom? This thought. Before I knew it, I believed it. "Broken." Just fuel for the fire. Everything pointing at "me." A "me" who could someday be fixed. Pill after pill, Decade after decade, Affirmation after affirmation. "Who" believes "I" am broken? When no one appeared, For certain, I knew. The belief had to be surrended, To see "broken" as a lie, For it to be liberated.

The elders prescribed me remedies. Strange was their belief of myself, When their costumes wouldn't fit me. They forced hands around my throat, Hoping to mold me back to "normal." Alas, I was diagnosed as deviance. Shame begged me take initiative, To carve myself into their image, I had knives cut me into shape. I closed my eyes to turn away from okay, Lying unburied near the Grim Reaper, Offering my blood to feed the soil. But now Death feared me, Trapping himself back in Hell, As he saw me rejoice in the anemia. A new "self" began forming. "Superior" than before, Sensitive to bursting. Insensitive to "I." My reflection scared me more than Satan. Covering the lake with holy deeds. So "I" could never be seen. I began inviting breathing Bodhisattvas, Letting them illuminate my false paradise. Allowing me to see there is no Hell to fear. Letting go the dream of  a "better" me, Allowing it to sink into Sunyata, Feeling love n...