JHem

I wonder why When you look up at the sky You think of it as 'up there' But when you put your hands out Clearly you must see There is no dividing line In a way You're never not touching the endless The skies You have the entire universe right here Breathe it in

When people speak about love, why does it almost always have to involve another person? Whatever happened to the love of being alive? The love of enjoying your craft? The love of designing a cool shirt, running an event, or just smelling the roses and taking in the horizon can be just as grand as, or even more, invigorating as romantic love. Don't get me wrong, loving people is really awesome too, but it seems really scarce, to me at least, to really meet someone that brings me a sense of aliveness that isn't based on some sort of neurotic attachment stemming from lack. Heck, sometimes the pure things become poisonous if I'm not careful. I could write an essay on this, but nahhh... I'm just curious. Whatever happened to the love that has no requirements or particular gain. Whatever happened to just paying attention? Isn't the attention you give, regardless if it's on a person, thing, objective, etc, the ultimate form of love?

This is a story of poetry A tale of a ribbon pulled too tightly One end dried from her deeds The other -- a heart with wings Willing to take the lead Her heart was soft Her heart was slow But her heart was willing indeed To let it be known That she was loved For a tender time Her heart tugged To pull her in To show her it's okay Things don't have to be this way Even during the mess When we're intertwined I'll be here to help you rest Yet she began to pull away Whispering to her heart I can't believe things are okay Don't take this lightly For her heart grasped too tightly And the closely kept ribbon fell apart

Constantly looking Always searching For something to fill The void in my heart The heartache I carry with me The insecurity inside of me Following me As I wish for something pure Constantly looking Always searching To mend this absence To be filled with presence This pain I hold with me This trail of disparity Has its way with me As I fall into the same old bore This is the tour Of one who's forlorn Writing about her unborn lore From a love that was torn

Oh, today It's no longer yesterday I can't wait 'till tomorrow, Or I'll be filled with sorrow Because it won't be okay Step by step, Moment by moment, I can't help but feel The fear of the next day Being in my way I'm not okay, It's not okay, Where is the way... I can't help but shiver, As the void brings me to quiver The tilt of never being okay Stuck in my own dismay It's not okay To fall my own way What else is there to say...

What if the heart breaking was a good thing? What if what was breaking wasn't the heart, but the armoring around it? What if the pain is just the heart shedding off that thick skin you built to block you out from everything that makes you vulnerable, open? What if the ache brought you back to the the most tender part of yourself? What if an unguarded heart was a call home to love? No matter how many times she breaks my heart, I can never hold onto the anger that arises. No matter how many times she brings tears to my eyes, I can never think any less of her. No matter how painful, each heartbreak humbles me to see remember our humaness. Perhaps this is a cleansing of conditioning to the innocence we're covering up? A surrender to an all inclusive love of allowing without argument? An open heart, no?

From the crack of dawn Till the dust settled I couldn't help but fawn Over the way you made me curious Of how someone could be so kind Yet mysterious In the way you had showered me with attention Only now to withhold it Leaving me as another passerby Just another guy As you say 'goodbye' I guess I was just a pawn

I wish I didn't have to understand So I could just be on my way Without the doubt Of my actions being incorrect I wish I didn't have to worry And let go of the anxiety Of allowing me To be me I wish there were no rules So I can learn again To be humbled When I stumble I wish I didn't try to impress people As I try to play what they'd like to see An idea of me That's no longer free I wish I could open my heart Without the fear of being undermined As I step out of line By the way I tumble A wish Ever so subtle A plea for someone To love me as I am, right now There's no more time here to waste

Embracing the unknown Going forth Not knowing What will be shown? Treading the unfamiliar Without a gander Or wonder What will be the deal breaker If I follow my heart? What will happen If I went towards What breaks my heart? How will I live With a heart broken open By my own innocence? Is this a call home To where I once knew There’s nothing wrong With what I choose? Even if I end up Alone with tired eyes Sinking in the blues? After I went to play Not knowing it was unsafe To being true? Is this what happens When I look myself in the eyes and say I love you?

The most mundane questions are the ones that have right answers, ones that go nowhere. The most fun questions are ones that have no right answers, ones that make you breathe new life. Would you ask questions to reaffirm that you're right, or would you prefer to ask a question of inquiry as a gateway into the unknown?

What if there's nothing bad about being lost? What if being lost is being honest? Maybe things don't come into acceptance until we become lost. Maybe it's when we lose ourselves that we come into being. A type of becoming. When there is no more me, there is no more other. Like losing yourself in play or another. A being, a becoming of emptiness. Nothing good, nothing bad, just nothing at all; Everything harmful, everything loving, just everything together. Everything with nothing; nothing with everything.

Past wounds healed so easily By words of sweet empathy Time passes by Things change No longer the same Guilty of being insane Contaminated by dis-ease With no one to hear my plead As I fade away Into nothingness Cries so loud My world crumbles In the palm of my hands Screams so silent I've become absent In this dark lament Is there a reason For this breathless agony? Is this my goodbye? So alone Casted aside In a dark corner Of my mind Wishing to reunite With the love of my heart But all that's felt is the dark As I'm held by this cold night I've fallen from heaven Losing my place My home Neglecting love becomes torture Disgrace takes away its nectar What was once therapeutic Decays into poison A wilted souls whimper for attention

Sometimes It's hard to believe That it's worth drawing another breath It's hard To remember That pain is all around And it's okay To not want to be here Anymore It's okay To be with pain Of being alone When the screams are loud But silent In the absence of being heard When the tears Form a river Or dry It's okay to feel emptied Of being Dead Just hold out your heart For it to be held So you know Love is here It's okay To be afraid To want to leave Love is here, with you Be gentle with yourself Hold yourself near, dearest Look yourself in the eye and see Love is here, with you, sweetie