JHem

Thoughts gather towards a mystery, Doing their best to learn from history. With ancients rising from the grave, Spirit's appear to haunt my soul. A run down mirror reflects a hungry ghost Constantly searching for truer answers. Words condensate into empty wishes, Wanting a map towards past riches. Spirits guide me towards the empty, All that is here is but a memory. Your gaze reminisces in front of my eyes. My vision blurries, wondering if they're lies. Through yearning, I make this my home. Hoping looking inward is satisfactory. Playing the tape on repeat to distortion. Putting my hands focus on restoration. With imperfection, things look brand new, Is what I made what's genuinely true? Scrambling to reveal the perfect mimic, Earnestness is lost to romantic airs. Through burnout alone, I light my fire, To allow embers to consume you to retire.

Two breaths to say hello. Two breaths to say goodbye. I wake up no longer hearing good morning. I fall asleep no longer saying goodnight. I gave you a little more than "too". A little too many kisses. A little too close in my arms. A little too many "are you okay?" But I'm never sorry, For saying too many "I love you's." I'll never regret Being a little "too."

Too many "hello's." Too many "goodmorning's" Too many "goodnight's" Too many "I'm sorry." Too many texts. Too many calls. Too many "are you okay?" Too many "I'm here." Too many tears. Too many "I love you's." But never not enough.

  Part 1 Alex stares at the turtle of a clock on the classroom wall of his Nutrition and Health class. Tick-tock, tick-tock, the clock moves slower than Alex as he tries to find a reason to leave his bed every morning. Finally, with bated breath, Alex gives off a sigh so big he felt as if he was floating as the clock struck 4:30PM. Alex packs his books, folder, and laptop into his sturdy bag he was gifted from his bubbly girlfriend, Emma. “It’s that time of the week again,” Alex thought to himself as he jumped from his seat and ran past the other community college students to get to his beat up red car. The car would sometimes not open its door. Alex had to repeatedly nudge it until it opened as if by pure chance. It didn’t bother him. His spirits were too elevated to be beat down by such a tiny inconvenience. He turned on his car and screamed to himself. “Let’s go baby! I get to go spend my weekend with my little love monster!” Alex puts on his upbeat romantic music from his phone...

I had a map in my pocket all the time. I took on a new persona as a mime. Why falter when I can follow your lead? I was so safe that I would not bleed. It wasn't until the day you walked away, I had to begin to learn what to say. I was going to be okay. I was allowed to hit rock bottom, To learn how to pick myself up. The river reflected what I denied. I floated by giving myself permission.

I'd take two steps forward, Only to tread two steps back. I'd course correct to be right, Only to find I'm on a roundabout. I was being chased by Karma, Tying me down to the Dharma. I'd bash my head against the wall. My track continued on repeat. I was blinded of seeing blood fall I needed to find my retreat. I fell into being a coward, Bathing in all the lack. I gave up the fight. This is how I got out.

I'd get out of my comfort zone, Only to tip toe around humiliation. Two feet breaking on eggshells. I had trouble reading tone, So I ate all my emotion, Ears blinded by bells. I laid the foundation to my house, Surrounded by walls of hesitation, All my guest would get denounced. Windows cascade the moon. Doors closed on evolution. My home shrinks as I grow. My cage collapses all on me. Claustrophobia brings suffocation. The anger begins to overpower me. Holding myself back like a time bomb. Time is unyielding to my safe haven. Zero is when it's all consumed by flame.