JHem

My gaze has been on saturated signs That light up the drunken nights. My motion’s become tipsy to life's unease. The pretty colors lie to me. This detour has me consumed. It's unsettling allure has me in a trance. The anxiety excites me to dance. It's got my heart in a quake. What else will this addiction take? Neon lights whispering temptations, Having me dream through the nightmares. I took sips from the tabooed elixir. It gave me skin so thick That fear never again clicked. My heart, hardened like a cocoon, Covered in a shell strong enough to stop A backstabbing blade trying to take my life. It wasn't until I couldn't extend my hand To someone trying to jump off the land That I realized I made a deal with the devil.

I can taste the cleanliness of water, But I too can taste the filth from drowning I can smell the sweet scent of my perfume, But I too can smell the fear I'm trying to hide. I can see the high marks on my grades, But I too can see the misses from perfection. I can hear your voice of reassurance, But I too hear my voice in self doubt. I can feel the warmth of your arms around me, But I too feel the cold in my broken heart. It's like I'm in two places at once.

I thought I had things under control, But my force to hold my life together Crushed the life I had believed to have made I scramble to recollect my shattered pieces But they've become unrecognizable, I no longer know who I am. The fallen pieces are broken They won't fit back to where they belong I have no choice but to let that part of me die. I create new pieces as I'm healing myself. Soon, new pieces take shape To fill in the void.

It was a rainy summer. As time passed me by, I felt my heart growing numb-er. It was a cold, dreary summer. It was a bright winter. I slowed down enough To let my life come back to me. It was a warm, fresh winter. The warmth returned that summer. You were the sunshine wrapped around me. You laid me to rest for winter. You brought back the seasons. It was a new time to Spring to life. I was able to rest during Summer vacation. You helped me Fall back in place. And helped me hibernate through Winter.

You grew up with ambiguity. You grasped your hands around anxiety. You don't have to cut out the source of your life. You can learn to breathe again as you drop the knife. You lived your life seeking ambition. You never gave up hoping for healing. But you never gave yourself your full attention. You swore if things burst, you're ready for your ending. Your shortcomings made you feel guilty. No one could imagine your inner strife. You felt a slave stuck in your condition. But all you wanted was a heartfelt tending. It's okay to let your world fall apart. You don't need that knife for precaution. You see your reflection captured by sins, But you needn't sacrifice yourself for freedom. You needn't carry that blade to cut away your misery. You needn't live your life with death as your release. You needn't to live life with a way out from imperfection You needn't carry the weight of the world anymore.

Jump, Fall. Mall, Lump. Hump. Call, All. Dump. Groundless, Fruitful Humbleness Vengeful. Sadness. Whole.

Indulging pleasure, Drowned from injecting higher, Reborn from my sins.