JHem

I was drawn to you But I kept my distance This wasn't new It's always been this way This longing everyday I hoped for your return So I wouldn't feel blue Oh, it's true I endeared you To fancy my show So I wouldn't need to wipe my eyes From graves of my past sorrows An innocence blind to sincere lies I showered you with glittering words An addiction to hearing without sound A hollow form of exploitivity My fear to prove my affection Was a ruse to my own self abandon I called for your eyes to meet mine But I was afraid to see my reflection You became my escape from me So I never had to meet my own plea

These words These thoughts They aren’t mine? Do these symbols and ideas have ownership? Is my ability to feel my own? Is this my anger my sadness my grief? Are these… mine… ?

There’s nothing left to say No mind to be new All a waste of breath Thoughts so repetitious No brand to hold Creativity An airless anxiety Unable to be Why can’t I see? So lonely With or without Company No new words left to breath

Sitting behind me, just two rows back. I thought I was you, but it was untrue. You knew how to speak, I know how to listen. You knew how to think, I know how to feel. You knew how to romance, I know how to love. You knew, I know. My mind's whisper, That was who I was then.

The Enlightenment Game I was promised peace Brushing life a sickle breeze All I had to do was invite apathy The numbing of eyes blind Hiding to bypass empathy Tipsy on empty But this isn't the serenity That was promised To me No Only a desert Dry of any real clarity Only when I became sober No longer drunk On emptiness I began to know Calm Within the storm Touching something so primordial Before knowing a warm light Before running from a cloaked night A taste so forbidden But never hidden Underneath self-treason I knew it before knowledge spoke I felt it before emotions provoked It dawned A love expressed Simple and sweet Remembering Here I am ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Soft Stance I only wanted to feel free Nothing came but apathy I thought I had footing I was only numbed I couldn't tell I fell Turning away from the devil Hiding beside him in hell U

What they all had seen Was nothing but fake. Something they had to make When giving ‘nothing’ glamour of sheen. This isn’t very keen. They only added glitter for beauty’s sake. This came when their essence began to ache. Looking to create a mock when passing self-treason’s ravine. That had forgotten what they already knew When giving answers to what they know, Taking on more than they can chew, All that was present flew. No one can see life’s stream flow When dolled eyes cast aside what’s true.

I'm stiffer than a rock. My breathing's as shallow as ancient ruins Underneath forgotten Earth. This is anxiety. As invisible as the air I need.